What have I done????

I was taking my dog for a walk this morning and, in the last 100 yards or so, accidently dropped the leash. It's one of those ones that lets out and retracts in a plastic spool that you hold on to. The noise of that plastic part dropping freaked Pichu out and he took off in a total panic. It kept bouncing around behind him and the more he ran, the more panicked he became. He was getting all tangled and yelping and tripping and it was horrible to watch! I couldn't catch him but gave it all I had. I ran at a full sprint back to the house and ran in to grab the car keys because, by that time, he was nowhere in sight. The whole time, I kept thinking, “He’s gone. I’ll never get him back. He’s going to strangle himself or break a leg and he’s going to die in a ditch somewhere and I’ll never find him. What am I going to tell the kids?”

When I came running out of the house with my car keys, he was in the back yard cowering and completely freaked but, at least, not running anymore. He wouldn't come near me. At first I tried to approach him but he would retreat walking backwards and I was afraid he'd begin running again. I decided to stand still and let him come to me. I sat on the ground for a good ten minutes while he stared at me. The whole time I spoke to him in a soothing calming voice and then slowly I approached him and unhooked the leash. He was limping initially but now seems OK. My lungs were on fire from running faster than I thought I could. After I got him in the house and settled in his crate and my adrenaline went down to normal levels, I started coughing violently and couldn't stop. I actually threw up because the coughs went so deep! It incapacitated me. After about an hour my lungs felt a little better and I could get up and move around a bit.

It’s been about three and a half hours since it’s happened. I’m still shaking and I feel like I’ve done a hundred crunches. I’m physically and emotionally wiped out. Why is this so hard? Why am I such a spaz that I can’t deal with this kind of stuff? Why did I decide to get a dog that my husband wants no part in taking care of? I’m at a low point right now and could do with a pep talk but there’s really no one I can think of to share my traumatic experience with for sympathy and reassurance. How pathetic that I have to post this into cyberspace instead…….