Wednesday, June 24, 2009

Cheating

I'm at the point in my life where friends are starting to get divorced. It's scary because I feel like I'm surrounded by stories of infidelity (these politicians lately aren't helping) and I wonder if it could happen to my husband and I. I don't see how it could, though, because it's black and white as far as I can see it. When you're married, certain things are off limits. Can you think someone is attractive? Of course. Can you flirt with them? You're starting to cross the line. Can you develop an emotionally dependent but non-physical relationship? That sounds like cheating already. Can you sleep with them? What?! Are you crazy?

I hear all these rationalizations from married people. Oh, I wasn't getting my emotional or physical needs met. I had a moment of weakness. I didn't mean for it to happen. All of this is a load of you-know-what. The bottom line is the cheater is a selfish, short-term thinker with not enough self control. It's not wrong to think or feel all those things, it just doesn't justify the cheating. If you're that miserable, then you should end the marriage and THEN feel free to do whatever!

Then there's the whole "I'm sorry. Forgive me." routine. Sure you're sorry! Sorry you got caught! Where was the sorry when you were having your fun? The forgiveness thing I'm going back and forth on. It's good to forgive and let go of the anger but should you forgive something that could happen again? Is there any way to know whether or not it will? I think more often than not, people say I'm sorry and ask for forgiveness but then do not follow it up with serious steps to prevent it from happening again. My kids say "I'm sorry" automatically whenever they do something wrong. It's a reflex and they do it without any thought or true remorse. There are very few apologies given that are truly meaningful.

I've said my piece. It's easy to preach from a safe perch, which is where I'm sitting. To all of you down in the trenches: tell me if you think I'm wrong...

1 comment:

Jeff said...

I think you have hit the nail on the head!